You Should Never see Your boss in a Dressing Gown

Living in a castle

I recently got to stay in a castle whilst working on a Paranormal show and this was defiantly one of the best locations I've ever had to stop in. It appealed to my sense of adventure and my love of history.
It got me thinking about all the accommodation I have been put up in whilst working in TV, and I thought I would carry on the story from last year about the worst place I've ever had to stop.

Apartment with Hidden Compartments

At the castle I was stopping in an apartment, large wood burning stove and my room was in the tower. Stone spiral staircases and a torture chamber and dungeon below. I got to wonder round in my free time and loved the place. The Owner had kitted out the apartment with antiques and curiosities from all over the world from a 17th century paintings to silver victorian Indian rupee tea coasters.

Ouija Board Hidden Away

In the sitting room was a large writing desk and I thought it was just the sort of furniture to have hidden compartments in. And I wasn't wrong I spent one afternoon exploring the furniture and found a number of hidden compartments. On sliding back the central writing block an underneath compartment was revealed containing a ouija board. Adding to the ghost stories of the castle and the fact we were there filming a paranormal show this just added to the adventure. I wasn't the only one to have spent my time searching for hidden compartments as as each one was found it was stuffed full of notes from others who had been just as adventurous. I added my card and now when others go hunting my note will also be there for them to find. This is was a stark contrast to a place I had to spend 3 months living in a few years back.

I was working on an evening observational documentary and based on a military base. Having experience of this life already I knew a little of what to expect but when I was told I was stopping in the Officers Mess I was excited. This was a step up from where I have stopped before and the Officers Mess must be the best on site after all they are officers aren't they.


On the first day after dropping the Presenter at a very nice hotel down the road I returned to base and went to check in. Pulling up outside there is a very grand large long building with stone columns at the door. As I push the heavy door open and walk into the hall the space is bright and clean, its warm and the walls are covered in paintings in gold gilt frames and the solid oak furniture has do not touch signs resting on it.

Plush Sitting Room

Through a small arch I am at the desk looking for my room key and note. Surprise surprise there isn't one for me. I trot along to the bar where I find a member of staff who tried ringing the manager to no avail. I sit myself down in the leather chesterfield in the oak paneled bar and await my fate, after a few minutes the bar staff returns and tells me just to go and have a wonder and pick any room thats open. This is certainly a new concept I'm thinking. I cant imagine walking into a Hilton and just picking a room based on which ever one was open.

Still I'm tired its been a long day filming and I just want a shower and bed. Wondering the corridors I find a door open on the ground floor and make my self at home. After all the opulence of the entrance and the public areas I am expecting a beautiful room but I was very wrong. This place was defiantly a case of smoke and mirrors.

My room contained two single beds with a single duvet and one pillow. there was no TV, no shower and no toilet. In the corner was a solitary sink and a bin. Where was the luxury? Where was the comfy furniture that had been in all the other rooms? This certainly isn't glamorous.

Mixed Communal Showers

This wasn't what I was expecting at all. Searching the corridor I find a communal toilet and shower room . Tiles and debris lay on the floor of one shower and so that left one to use. On the door hung a sign reading Male in shower and when I turned it over it said Female in shower. Was this really a deterrent to officers of the other sex to not enter or an invitation?

A fellow crew member soon discovered it was a pointless exercise in displaying the sign, after finding the shower empty on their third attempt at showering they changed the sign turned the shower on to warm up and closed the door, running back to their room to collect their wash bag they returned to find their shower now occupied with a member of the opposite sex who must have entered even though it said Female in shower saw it was empty changed the sign and got it.

On the ground floor near the bar was a Ladies powder room which became my toilet of choice as it was guaranteed to be free and clean.

False Fire Alarm
results in Meeting your boss in a dressing gown

In the first week the fire alarm went off in the early hours of the morning 3 times resulting in everyone evacuating the building and waiting for it to be reset. If there is one thing that should never happen whilst working in TV it is to see your boss standing outside in their pyjamas. Making polite convasation at 3am whilst your stood in a dressing gown and slippers with your boss is a very awkward situtation I recommend you avoid at all costs. Still I suppose it was team building!


Being allowed to return home at weekends helped with everyones sanity just those little home comforts you miss but for three months I managed to live with out TV or a nearby toilet, and my own shower. Its amazing how the places in that building that the public see were lavish and sumptuous yet the living accommodation was bleak and less than basic.

Your Working Day is Someone's Working Week

Working in TV is often very long hours, especially as a runner, your working day can easily be 16 hours long thats someone's working week. If you add in travel time them you can easily be hitting 20 hours a day.

Up at 6am, drive to work, stand, carry, drive, and shop all day then tidy up before your drive home. Arrive home for 11pm and bed ready for the same again tomorrow. Its a never ending cycle until you work up the ladder and even then depending on the path you have taken and the job you are working on the hours might not change.

When you start as a runner the wages are poor and you often find yourself taking on other jobs just to get by and saying no to a job often means the phone doesn't ring again. So the need to succeed in the industry spurs you through.

Not long after I started I was doing just this, luckily all my jobs turned out to be in the same building so I didn't have to travel between workplaces. if I had I dont think I would have been able to do it, I only just survived as it was.

Living off Flavia Coffee

My working week started on a Thursday morning at 7.30am and finished on a Tuesday evening at 7pm. During this time I was working on three separate programmes and living off Flavia coffee machines and RedBull.

My Thursday first shift was a regular one. And I was used to the long day and standing. Then there was a call to work on an evening show that was live and ran throughout the night. As long as my normal job was finished by 10pm I couldn't see why I couldn't do both.

So the first Thursday started and I finished my day job by 9pm, nipped back to the car park and sat in my car for an hour then started my evening shift. this was an easy shift in TV runner terms as it only meant carrying all the stuff to studio, setting up the green room and keeping everyone supplied with drinks. The show finished at 3am. Home for a couple of hours sleep and then back for the same again on Friday.

Then Ugly Betty called, they desperately needed an extra pair of hands on a new show they where making and the shifts fitted in around my other jobs so I agreed.

Regularly found asleep in a Chesterfield 

This added a Saturday to Tuesday 9am -7pm onto my other jobs. Knackered isn't the word. I could regularly be found hiding backstage in my down time asleep in a chesterfield, or hidden behind the lift dozing in a chair.

The great thing about the evening stint is that everyone looked after themselves after it was all set up, and so I could easily sneak off for 40 winks. Upstairs on route to the studio the lift opened up in the centre of the room, with mirrors all around. This meant you could sit on a chair behind the lift and when the lift made a noise it would wake you, you could then scan the room to see who was coming as to whether you had to move or could stay hidden away and close your eyes again.

I really dont recommend it to anyone after the shoot had finished 6 weeks later I was fit for nothing. Although the extra money was good, it didn't really further my career. and that is what you have to ask yourself. Is it worth it? Will it get me further along the media Path I want to take. If the answer is no then let another runner take the job. You dont know what opportunities you will miss by taking the work, when the call could come in offering something you really want to do.

From a usb stick to a shredder

Being able to use technology is very important from a usb stick to a shredder, photocopier to various mobile phone devices. If you can use these as a runner then you will soon move up the ranks.

Whilst not being able to operate some of these wont hinder your work, breaking some might cause you to be relegated to the tea making and simple tasks.

Stop breaking the shredder

Not your home office shredder

Stop will tell you all about this, so far in their career as a runner they have managed to break 15 shredders, and these aren't your simple home office shredder these are industrial office strength machines that will take a hell of a battering before they give up the ghost. Banned from office tasks Stop is now relegated to Chief of Felicitations.
I was forever being asked to pop upstairs to fix them after people had jammed them with too much paper. After unplugging from the wall and poking about with a letter opener a quick tug and twist the jam would free and the machine would limp back into life.

Broken Shredder

As you can imagine these machines cost a lot of money and as productions have to destroy everything due to data protection and secrecy breaking them can cost a production dearly.

The Photocopier was my nemesis I was forever fixing the thing after it jammed or simply refused to work, wondering round the whole studios with a script, a reel of coloured paper and a heavy duty stapler, in the hunt for a working machine. Finally finding myself with 13 minutes to print 30 scripts and deliver them to the relevant people in time for rehearsal. It was a tall task but most of the time I made it. The excitement of a new photocopier being delivered was too much the new way to programme them and the new menus, meaning the Coordinators would have to write up instructions for everyone to use it.

So if you want to start off in TV learning the basics of Office admin or at least how to use a photocopier is essential to a quick transition up the ranks.

Being a runner doesn't mean you have to actually run.

Being a runner doesn't mean you have to actually run. Although on some occasions it maybe necessary. 

No running

You get asked to do the most random things. Mostly shopping and standing in for people so rehearsals can go ahead.

As I've told you before I met Stop whilst working on an afternoon chat show and they where assaulted by Nancy lam. Since then Stop has taken running at times quite literally. 

Don't run in the studio

Always running everywhere and always being told "Don't run in the studio." "Stop running" but it wasn't till a shopping trip that Stop realised that being a runner didn't mean you had to run everywhere. 

Sent out with a shopping list and an envelope of cash Stop left the studio, ran across town to the chemist, purchased the first product on the list and rounded the corner to Primarni. 

Having been sent out to purchase a birthday cake, gift and joke present for a member of staff from the office. Stop was on a mission to get it all as quick as possible and make it back to the studio in order to make a good impression of speed and responsibility.

Running around the store Stop purchased the vouchers and made for the door. As they ran down the street a hand grasped their shoulder and grappled them to the floor. 

Grappled to the floor

A large man in a fluorescent jacket loomed over radio in hand. " I have them." the radio crackles and Stop looks up " Can we ask you back to the store please we would like to search you". 

Dragged back to Primarni Stop was taken to an office and asked to empty their pockets. Having made a run out of the store Stop had raised the attention of the store security guard as having obviously stolen something from the store. Why else would anyone be fleeing the store at pace?

Looking rather red faced not at the running but the fact they had to reveal the contents of their pocket Stop tried to explain, " I was just doing my job!, I needed to get to Tesco and buy a cake then get back to work." 

This wasnt good enough for the security team who still demanded they empty their pockets. Slowly stop removed the primary voucher and receipt from their pocket, and envelope of cash, the shopping list and a reaching back into the cavernous hole that was Stops pocket a small tube wrapped in a receipt from the chemist was placed slowly on the desk. Not being able to look at the men in the room in eye with embarrassment the joke present lay on the desk.

Tube of Lube

What is Stop doing running from a Primarni store with a pocket full of lube and a gift voucher? The security staff of the store will never be able to tell anyone the story and have them believe it but it's true. They had stopped a person who hadn't taken anything but as a job had to run around town with a pocket of lube and buy a cake! 

Returning to the studio rather red faced Voucher and Lube in hand, Stop realised that being a runner didn't mean you have to run.

Isn't It Ironic?

Many of you will know that I am petrified of dogs. They are evil, no matter what size or shape they come in they are all evil.
Many of you will have read Will Feeding the Lambs make up for the dog licking you? and laughed but for me this is a serious thing.

Dogs Teeth

Firstly have you seen their teeth!! Sharp and just waiting to clamp down on that juicy arm or leg of yours. And trust me they will if they get the chance!

He wont hurt you!

Its always the same I go into someone's house see a dog, freeze, and they always say. Oh are you scared? don't be he's lovely the softest stupidest thing ever, he wont hurt you, and there it is stalking me, growling, spit foaming at its jaw.

Once whilst stood outside in the cold on location myself and Dimmock where chatting over a cup of tea, next to a van thats back door was slightly ajar. Being on location there always a million vans loading and unloading equipment and stuff so you really don't bat an eyelid at these sorts of things.

So there we where chatting away when i Hear a growl right behind my head. Now we where on a paranormal show at the time but still we where outside and the only thing behind me was a van so where was this noice coming from?

42 Sharp pointy teeth 

I look at Dimmock who is looking shocked and trying to tell me something. There is a smell of rotten meat wafting into my nose and I can feel the heat from the breath on the back of my head. My heart has stopped. Dimmock is leaning forward and grabbing my arm, pulling me towards them. I slowly turn my head, to become face to face with 42 sharp pointy teeth growling at me. Panic sets in, and I don't know what to do. Dimmock is trying to pull me away, to protect me, but I'm frozen to the spot. I am about to be eaten by a monster and my last living breath will be in a disused mental asylum.

Suddenly a voice shouts "Stand Still!". Thats alright then because I cant move anyway, I'm thinking. I'm about to be ripped apart by a dog and I'm being told to stand still. I instantly realise I'm screaming. the dog is growling in my face and all I'm doing is screaming back at it! Thats really going to protect me!

Immediately the growling stops and the dog sits back down inside the van. Maybe my screaming did help?

maybe my screaming did protect me!

From behind a short stocky man appears an moves me to the side walks over to the van and slips a lead on the dog takes him out of the van and walks him towards me! Is he MAD? Dimmock steps in front of me and shields me as the dog handler explains he is the site security and he left the door open so the dog had some air. He didn't realise people would be stood around there. I've certainly learnt my lesson there, never stand next to and open van.

After all this I went to work on a show about a lucky dog! on this occasion it was a statue so I thought I would be ok, until the presenter of the show had to rescue me in the park when a dog owner had let theirs off the lead and it came running straight at me. No one else in the crew just me!! I'm holding a camera and a tripod and I cant just drop them and run, luckily The Presenter stepped forward and scooped the little dog away before the owner put it back on a lead. Informing me that dogs where going to be banned from the park soon! Couldn't be soon enough in my books!

Oh the Irony! dressed as a dog.

From there to a children's art show where Whippet had to rescue me a number of times, until it came to the final day of filming. The whole team had to be involved dressed as various characters. A few days before the costumes arrve inthe office and the arre divvied up according to their sizes, wizards, cavemen, teddy bears, a monkey, a lobster and a cat.  Everyone is handed costumes then it comes to me, the costume the Series producer has picked for me is a DOG! Oh the irony!





I spend the afternoon dressed as a dog in a field directing 50 children and adults around, then have to dance with a circle! Isn't TV Glamorous!

Paranormal Part 2; Small girl skipping through the aisles

In this game you get to go to some amazing places, disused mental asylums, underground stations, tobacco factories and Libraries.

Halloween

Whilst working on the Ghostly show my favourite venue has to be the disused mental asylum, spending halloween here will never be beaten for its spookiness and fun.

Batman was under the stage and managed to pull the generator plug sending the venue into darkness and taking us off air five minutes early. Snow came through the roof whilst we where live on air, and in general it was very cold.

Follow the cables

Dressed as the Michelin man in so many layers the Health and safety officer took us on a tour of the building one afternoon when we were free, this is where I learnt a TV rule that has always stuck with me. If your lost follow the cables and you will find your way to either the stage or the truck.

Not easy when an Alsatian in bounding towards you

I locked Dimmock in a padded cell and then took pictures, and found two stowaways that were trying to take pictures. This is when I learnt about security dogs. At this location the security dog must have been released about 5 times and when it does you have to stand still and it will run past. Not an easy task when your scared to death of them and a massive Alsatian is bounding towards you barking.

Circular Library Hall

At another location I became a ghost myself. We were in a library and the only way in and out was a door into the circular hall. books lined the walls the shelves curved round each layer a step down from the one above. Like a maze. In the far corner was another door to the rest of the location in which the on air team had travelled some time before during the night. The rest of us waited outside with our radios on waiting for any instructions.

The location had four webcams set up at various points in order for the public to watch online and text in. One camera was set up in the main hall pointing towards the door the only way in and out of the location.

Ouija Board

Over the radio comes the call for the ouija board to be brought down to the cellar for an experiment. I turn on my torch and carry the board through the aisles. As I get to the far corner I descend the stairs and follow the cables until I find the team in the cellar.

After setting up the board I turn round and head back to the surface. As I reach the top of the stairs I can see the light pouring through the door from the street outside into the main hall. Its lighting up the room enough and I know the route round the curved room to get to the door easily enough that I dont turn my torch on. Instead I run through the aisles up the stairs and out of the door joining the rest of the location team at the top around the tea urn.

unless there was a Ghost behind me

Five minutes later they get an update from the web team who have been monitoring the messages from the public about the show and the webcams.

There was a small girl seen skipping through the aisles on webcam one.

Dimmock who is in the green room at the hub watching this immediately texts me. Is that you!!

Realising it had to be me I point out I was not skipping I was running!! That or a small girl was skipping behind me!!

The Law of the Sod

Working as a freelancer is odd.

Waiting for the phone to ring

You have periods where you dont stop working, and periods when your phone rings and you pounce on it in anticipation of a job only to find its a marketing company wanting to help you get a refund on your no existent credit card or loan repayments.

These lulls in work make you doubt whether you are in the right job, should you just get a nine to five?
What job would I do if I did?

Lounging on the Sofa

Then just as your sat on the sofa in your pyjamas watching Flog It at 3 in the afternoon contemplating whether your having microwave noodles or toast for tea, the phone rings and your asked if you can get to Leeds in the morning for a one day shoot. RELIEF!!

One day jobs as a freelancer invariably lead to more work if you prove yourself on that first day. So you have to make the right impression.

So your job extended to three weeks and then your phone does not stop ringing. Job offers roll in from across the TV world and as your already working all you can say is "I'm Sorry I'm already booked". All good you think but why couldn't they have rang last week when you where starving hungry and wondering whether it was OK to put the heating on or to buy food instead. Its defiantly Sods Law.

Procrastinating

The quiet period is good though if you put the time to good use. I tend to have good intentions to write a  few synopsis's and maybe add a few chapters to my book. Instead I find myself procrastinating, drinking hot chocolate sat watching Gilmore Girls and arranging coffee outings with Jet2 and Dimmock. As Dimmock gave up on the TV industry in this country and got themselves a nine to five, coffee outings have changed to evening dinner outings instead, cheap places mind you, Im not working remember and dont know when the next job will be, so cant be splashing the cash!

Coffee Outings

So coffee is arranged in town with Jet2 and dinner the following evening with Dimmock and then your phone rings. A weeks work in London starting tomorrow on an emergency conference. You cant say no so you cancel your plans and find yourself booking rooms in London and looking at the best way to get there. At least Jet2 and Dimmock have worked in the industry and understand when you have to cancel, but family can be a tad upset, but this is your career and you have to do it to get to where you want to be.

So Tv isn't Glamorous, especially when your sat at home with unwashed hair and wishing the phone to ring, but you cant be disheartened when your not working, think of other things you can be doing, and invariably when you make plans that phone will ring. If you really want to work in TV you have to be determined.

Paranormal Part 1; Cake gate

Working on a paranormal show has given me some of my best TV experiences as a runner, I have explored derelict buildings tested night vision goggles, travelled to areas of the UK I would never have gone to and met some interesting people.

My first time working on this show myself and Dimmock had travelled down to London. I would be the camera and sound runner and Dimmock was the green room Runner.

Yvonne's Wine

Dimmock had it easy all she had to do was make sure Yvonnes wine was cold and topped up. My job was fairly easy too keep the camera and sound people topped up with tea and cable bash one of the pedestal cameras.

Rehearsals went well and everyday before the live show I got to play with the cameras and do the rehearsal instead of the camera man, I was loving it. We had another runner who was floor running and their job was to help out the floor managers that was until “cake gate”.... 

Before Health and safety gone mad

During the middle of the shoot it was a cast members birthday and so during the show a cake was to be presented to them, this was the days before health and safety gone mad and we could actually light the candles as long as we had a bucket of sand, fire extinguishers of every kind and a full fire station on standby. 

Rehearsals had gone well the runner was to step forward to the aisle, camera 1 would turn to them camera three hold shot of cast member and everyone else wides of the audience and presenter. Round of applause and Que. the cake. Runner walks forward and presents it. Easy or so it would seem.

Cake

“And 5,4,3,2,1 we are live” ... “welcome back now its a very special day today....” floor managers pushes the runner and cake into place in the aisle. cameras turn to positions. Audience applause... director shouts over talkback.. Que. the Cake........ and........ Nothing...... Que. the cake...........still nothing the runner isn't moving the audience are looking round as they have been clapping for a while and nothing has happened. Que. the f**king Cake screams the director, all around the room the floor manager, assistant floor manager, the camera assistants, the sound men and me are all waving the runner on frantically.

Eventually they step forward with the cake and down the aisle the audience applause increases when they finally see the cake and its over just like that....

Never again was a cake brought on for any celebration during the subsequent shows I worked on, and the next day Dimmock was the floor runner.

Forever Friends

People might say reading my previous posts that I was disillusioned with TV but I am not. I love working in TV and all that entails if I didn't I would have got out long ago and got a boring 9-5, but frankly I couldnt think of anything worse.

Friends

In the industry you meet so many different people and like I said in TV a family affair its not what you know its who you know. The people I would call my best friends I met working in the industry and even though one has migrated to a 9-5 and we dont see each other as often as we used to I still know Dimmock is willing me on.

Mental Asylum

We met on my first day at the studios working in Manchester. We have worked together on many shows since and have been through lots of random TV experiences together. Exploring a derelict Mental asylum and locking Dimmock in a cell was great fun although a little cold. I think it snowed while we were there. We survived the delirium of the white corridor together and over many cups of coffee and cake have planned or futures.

White corridor

Jet2 is another person I met whilst working on the long white corridor. We have been on holiday together and as they often work abroad I got to have a cheap holiday staying out in Menorca with them, this wasn't my finest hour I got horribly drunk, sang meatloaf, spoke german, was sick all the way home, thought I was going to die before going snorkelling, and got food poisoning. Their boss now refers to me as the "sick friend"! I will tell you all about this at another time as it has nothing to do with working in TV! Whilst working with Jet2 on a dating show we encountered many a funny story involving London being in Britain and how a microphone works.

And of course I met Whippet if someone will save you from a dog then you cant not be their friend.


So through working in TV I have met some of my closest friends, I have met good friends and I have made a lot of connections, this industry can be a small place and you can bump into people on different jobs that you haven't seen for ages or that you always seem to be working with. But I love it.

"I think I saw you on TV!"

The dreaded words you dont want to hear as someone who works behind the camera is "I think I saw you on TV last night!"....

Hiding behind Lord Seb Coe

If you are it means you were either not doing your job right or the director made a mistake and cut to the wrong camera. This is the main worry on a live programme when you do your upmost not to be seen. All crew mostly wear black to blend into the background and most of your time is spent avoiding being seen rather than making the programme. I am forever spending my time diving to the ground hiding behind the audience or behind the scenery. This week Lord Seb Coe became my human shield on a BBC debate.

This was an unusual day as we were given crew tops when we arrived that were white. White is not a good TV colour. It glows on most backgrounds and adds a halo around you, and all TV environments are filthy.

Wet Paint

The equipment is dirty the floor is dirty and there is wet paint and dust everywhere. After picking up the camera I had black streaks down my nice white top. All I did was pick it up! During rehearsals you plan out your shots and where and where you cant fit. At the same time the set team are touching up the set covering over marks and moving the set after lighting and cameras point out gaps or symmetry errors. so stepping backwards I walk into a screen that wasn't there originally and has just been painted I now have a nice blue line down my back. Now if I was wearing black this would have been fine as you wouldn't really be able to see it, but white shows up everything and now I look like I'm part of the set team not the camera department! As the show starts I'm onto my third crew top and the Unit Manager is beginning to think I'm stockpiling them or something to sell on.

Wide Shot

So you do your upmost to avoid being seen and still someone says they have seen you... on a live show at some point this is inevitable as things happen and people don't stop on the mark they where supposed too, someone says something different that throws the action somewhere unexpected or you are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. But on a pre recorded programme its very unusual. This means that there has been a mistake and to cover it they have cut to a wide shot, this is usually a camera on a lock off at the back of the room, an unmanned camera just there as a back up. Sometimes they use this out of context to cover up a jolt, or a boom that slips in, or a shadow, and you can see yourself in a wide when you know at that point you were somewhere else entirely.

"Will feeding the lambs a bottle make up for the dog licking you?"

They say you should never work with children or animals. On a job last year I managed to ignore this rule and work with both. Que me standing crying and the location assistant Whippet trying to protect me.

Now I should clarify I hate children and never want any myself but when the call came to work on a new show I took it and thought sod it, I can ignore the kids most of the time. Never did I think I would come across animals and especially not my mortal enemy the DOG.

I have this fear that they are going to eat me. No really they are. They are going to bite the muscle on the back of my leg, rip it off, in that dog with a toy playing pull kind of way, and run off with my calf muscle between its teeth, snarling as it goes. This is a fact. There is no convincing me otherwise I know this will happen if one gets close enough. I cross the street if I see one walking along and if one gets near me I freeze and it growls. It can be the nicest dog in the world as soon as it gets near me it growls, this really doesn't help!

Now Whippet is a dog lover and we where driving round attending auditions at kids houses. Most just have a cat and I love cats, my own Tibby is a very glamorous cat. So I'm quite content photographing the filming area and listening to the audition. until we ring the bell of a house and from behind the door I here the growl, low and constant like and engine, sensing the danger I swap places with Whippet figuring I can throw them to the dog and save my own  life.

The door opens.........the dog bounds out topples Whippet and goes straight for me. Its like they know I'm scared and attack me as easy prey. EVIL is what they are EVIL.  The owner saves me from the dog by pulling it away, "I'll just lock it in the garden", great I'm thinking I need to  photo the garden and it will eat me then!

Whippet held the tiny dog like Blofled

Realising that I needed access to the garden they lock the doberman in the Garage and we wonder into the kitchen where I am confronted by a tiny yappy dog that again goes straight for me. Screaming like a girl I again push Whippet at it and try and fend it off with my handbag. Eventually Whippet holds the tiny dog whilst the audition takes place and strokes it like a scene from James Bond with Blofeld and the cat. I go outside to photograph the garden whilst out there the Doberman escapes the Garage and heads straight for me, panicking I don't know which fate is worse killed by the doberman or get inside and let the tiny dog kill me.........I choose the kitchen and think the tiny dog will do less damage I grab the door and the door handle wont open, shaking the handle up and down the doberman is gaining on me and my heart is racing. In the nick of time the door opens i fly through and slam it shut whilst the owner and the child auditioning look on in amusement.


After this ordeal I am confronted by a number of small dogs and loads that owners lock away from me until we get to a lovely house on a farm. The farmers dog is massive and I mean massive, the farmer locks him away in the playroom and I'm happily watching the audition and chatting, suddenly this massive dog has escaped the prison of the playroom and is heading straight at me, I scream and freeze, my body wont function, Whippet tries to squeeze between me and the dog to push it away from me but its too late, my eyes well up, tears start to run down my cheeks I can feel something wet and warm trickling down my arm.

Is it blood, do I still have a hand, OH MY GOSH I think I want to die, I look down expecting to see my arm ripped from its socket but no, the massive dog has ........... Licked me. I feel sick, embarrassed I'm stood in someones house the representative of this new programme and I'm crying because a dog has licked me.

Bottle feeding the Lambs

Whippet is doing there best to move the dog away from me but its not helping and the farmer looks at me with pity, "Will feeding the lambs a bottle make up for the dog licking you?" "Yes" I whimper lip quivering and tears still rolling down my cheeks. and to be fair bottle feeding the lambs did make it up for it but only just.

In this industry you come across things you don't expect in all sorts of places. I once found a dog in the middle of the make up room at a studios, having worked there for 3 years and wondered through that room most days and some days 10-12 times the last thing I expected to see was a dog, especially in the middle of the building. wondering in completely unaware I look up from my clipboard to see two eyes and a set of teeth coming straight at me. screaming I drop my clipboard run out of make up and back to the corridor of delirium. telling Ugly Betty and Dimmock what had happened they look at me bemused has she just been standing on the corridor to long? is she mad? After disappearing to investigate they return with news I'm not mad there is a dog in there but its only a little one!

So the outcome of the story is to expect the unexpected the things you hate and least expect will appear when you never thought they would.

N for........Knickers

In this industry I have done a number of jobs. mostly to pay the bills, but its always good to have a few strings to your bow especially up north where there are quiet periods for work.

One of the many strings to my bow is Coordinating, I think it comes from my army childhood upbringing and the fact I like to have things organised and boss people about!

Coordinating is  dark art and you need a number of different skills to be really good at it.

The first thing is a good telephone manner, this is key as a lot of things you do are down the phone, be it negotiating a good deal, directing people to places or chasing up things that you need.

One coordinator I worked with didn't quite master the art of answering the phone right away, this lead to numerous occasions were the office where crying with laughter and would ring them just to see the panic in their eyes at the thought of having to answer the phone.

"Ive got to book a taxi to Ramsgate." one colleague said out load just before the coordinators phone rang.

Panicking they answered the phone...."Hello Ramsgate" cue bewildered faces all looking in their direction, "erm sorry hello?"!



"Hi I'm calling from a TV show oh hang on did I call you or did you call me?"

N for Knickers

When ordering stuff you always have to give your post code and this throws up another sticking point, do you know your phonetic alphabet? there is always that moment when they ask "And the post code?"... Your mind goes blank and you cant think of the words "erm... N for......" .... think, ......think "erm N for......Knickers"?! then its in your head your embarrassed that you got it wrong and all you can think of is swear words and rude ones too. "W for" (w***er is all that is in your head, why did you say knickers? your such a w***er) "erm.... WINDOW" arrrr thats it got there in the end.

Negotiating the best deal possible is always good, the TV industry never has any money (or says it doesn't) those at the top seem to have lots and those and the bottom have none. So the production managers are always asking you to get things as cheap as possible. this means it breaks easily and you have to then get another one so its a false economy but it satisfies everyone when you come in under budget.

Phonetic Alphabet

Ordering people about is my favourite part and having worked as a runner for a very long time I think I have earnt the right to boss people around and get them to do the dirty jobs once in a while! But there are ways to get this done nicely. With a smile and a Please can you just.... and a thank you after gets you far. It gets the job done and also gains you a little respect as they don't think you are just bossing them around!

So lessons in Coordinating are, Have a good telephone manner, practise your Phonetic alphabet, have a sob story to save money, and always be polite it gets the job done quicker!

I have never taken a motorway exit at 80mph

It was great being a runner and under 25 it meant that you didn't have to drive the hire cars. The only down side is the fact someone else was and not always competently!

smallest car

As a runner I have driven many a hire car and they always come in one extreme or the other. Either the company is trying to save as much money as possible and you end up with the worlds smallest car or your expected to drive everyone around and you get a MPV. there rarely is a middle ground.

There's the old joke isn't there "What's the fastest car?..... A hire Car!" well it certainly isn't any hire car I have driven. I recently had a Vauxhall corsa hired to me for work, I predominately had to use it to get to and from the big cities on the motorway. There was just me and my friend Whippet (I'll explain the name in my next blog) so a small car wasn't a problem to get everyone in, the only problem was with my foot to the floor trying to join the motorway was a life threatening situation. My own car is a moderate one and easily handles the speed required to drive anywhere, this hire car however had clearly never heard of 70mph. With whippet clung to the dashboard eyes closed it would have been easier if the footwells disappeared and like Fred Flintstone and we could run.

Legs out the footwells to go anywhere!

Before I was 25 though it was no safer. On one job we where traveling in an MPV to Wales. It was a cold October and raining. My best friend Dimmock  (after meeting my aging Grandparent they announced she looked like Charlie Dimmock, she doesn't and they are going blind but still!) and I were in the back and the window wipers were working flat out. The runner driving although had passed their test many years ago lived in a city centre and didn't have a car. Not used to driving let alone driving a MPV full of people the journey was never going to go well. Ugly betty was already on location and waiting for our arrival. With no Sat Nav it was a miracle we where heading in the right direction.  Heading down the motorway rain lashing down Dimmock and myself began to look at each other in horror as we swerved violently between lanes the driver not even looking round to check it was safe. Turning the wheel suddenly as if driving a rally car we where thrown around in our seats.
abruptly we flew off the motorway round a sharp bend almost rolling the MPV, as the window wiper flew off Dimmock and I closed our eyes and held hands, this was our moment, this is how we were going to die!
No we where just leaving the motorway this was our exit! I have never taken a motorway exit at 80mph and will never be doing so again. Heart in my mouth I looked at Dimmock and nearly cried. As the journey continued in the same violent manor Dimmock reached for her phone. sending a message to Ugly Betty "We are all about to die!"

Finally shaking and without minus a window wiper we arrived on set, Ugly Betty greeting us with news that they had put another runner on the insurance and they would now drive!

Hire cars do have a benefit though, you get to test drive lots of cars and know which ones not to buy for yourself!