You Should Never see Your boss in a Dressing Gown

Living in a castle

I recently got to stay in a castle whilst working on a Paranormal show and this was defiantly one of the best locations I've ever had to stop in. It appealed to my sense of adventure and my love of history.
It got me thinking about all the accommodation I have been put up in whilst working in TV, and I thought I would carry on the story from last year about the worst place I've ever had to stop.

Apartment with Hidden Compartments

At the castle I was stopping in an apartment, large wood burning stove and my room was in the tower. Stone spiral staircases and a torture chamber and dungeon below. I got to wonder round in my free time and loved the place. The Owner had kitted out the apartment with antiques and curiosities from all over the world from a 17th century paintings to silver victorian Indian rupee tea coasters.

Ouija Board Hidden Away

In the sitting room was a large writing desk and I thought it was just the sort of furniture to have hidden compartments in. And I wasn't wrong I spent one afternoon exploring the furniture and found a number of hidden compartments. On sliding back the central writing block an underneath compartment was revealed containing a ouija board. Adding to the ghost stories of the castle and the fact we were there filming a paranormal show this just added to the adventure. I wasn't the only one to have spent my time searching for hidden compartments as as each one was found it was stuffed full of notes from others who had been just as adventurous. I added my card and now when others go hunting my note will also be there for them to find. This is was a stark contrast to a place I had to spend 3 months living in a few years back.

I was working on an evening observational documentary and based on a military base. Having experience of this life already I knew a little of what to expect but when I was told I was stopping in the Officers Mess I was excited. This was a step up from where I have stopped before and the Officers Mess must be the best on site after all they are officers aren't they.


On the first day after dropping the Presenter at a very nice hotel down the road I returned to base and went to check in. Pulling up outside there is a very grand large long building with stone columns at the door. As I push the heavy door open and walk into the hall the space is bright and clean, its warm and the walls are covered in paintings in gold gilt frames and the solid oak furniture has do not touch signs resting on it.

Plush Sitting Room

Through a small arch I am at the desk looking for my room key and note. Surprise surprise there isn't one for me. I trot along to the bar where I find a member of staff who tried ringing the manager to no avail. I sit myself down in the leather chesterfield in the oak paneled bar and await my fate, after a few minutes the bar staff returns and tells me just to go and have a wonder and pick any room thats open. This is certainly a new concept I'm thinking. I cant imagine walking into a Hilton and just picking a room based on which ever one was open.

Still I'm tired its been a long day filming and I just want a shower and bed. Wondering the corridors I find a door open on the ground floor and make my self at home. After all the opulence of the entrance and the public areas I am expecting a beautiful room but I was very wrong. This place was defiantly a case of smoke and mirrors.

My room contained two single beds with a single duvet and one pillow. there was no TV, no shower and no toilet. In the corner was a solitary sink and a bin. Where was the luxury? Where was the comfy furniture that had been in all the other rooms? This certainly isn't glamorous.

Mixed Communal Showers

This wasn't what I was expecting at all. Searching the corridor I find a communal toilet and shower room . Tiles and debris lay on the floor of one shower and so that left one to use. On the door hung a sign reading Male in shower and when I turned it over it said Female in shower. Was this really a deterrent to officers of the other sex to not enter or an invitation?

A fellow crew member soon discovered it was a pointless exercise in displaying the sign, after finding the shower empty on their third attempt at showering they changed the sign turned the shower on to warm up and closed the door, running back to their room to collect their wash bag they returned to find their shower now occupied with a member of the opposite sex who must have entered even though it said Female in shower saw it was empty changed the sign and got it.

On the ground floor near the bar was a Ladies powder room which became my toilet of choice as it was guaranteed to be free and clean.

False Fire Alarm
results in Meeting your boss in a dressing gown

In the first week the fire alarm went off in the early hours of the morning 3 times resulting in everyone evacuating the building and waiting for it to be reset. If there is one thing that should never happen whilst working in TV it is to see your boss standing outside in their pyjamas. Making polite convasation at 3am whilst your stood in a dressing gown and slippers with your boss is a very awkward situtation I recommend you avoid at all costs. Still I suppose it was team building!


Being allowed to return home at weekends helped with everyones sanity just those little home comforts you miss but for three months I managed to live with out TV or a nearby toilet, and my own shower. Its amazing how the places in that building that the public see were lavish and sumptuous yet the living accommodation was bleak and less than basic.

Isn't It Ironic?

Many of you will know that I am petrified of dogs. They are evil, no matter what size or shape they come in they are all evil.
Many of you will have read Will Feeding the Lambs make up for the dog licking you? and laughed but for me this is a serious thing.

Dogs Teeth

Firstly have you seen their teeth!! Sharp and just waiting to clamp down on that juicy arm or leg of yours. And trust me they will if they get the chance!

He wont hurt you!

Its always the same I go into someone's house see a dog, freeze, and they always say. Oh are you scared? don't be he's lovely the softest stupidest thing ever, he wont hurt you, and there it is stalking me, growling, spit foaming at its jaw.

Once whilst stood outside in the cold on location myself and Dimmock where chatting over a cup of tea, next to a van thats back door was slightly ajar. Being on location there always a million vans loading and unloading equipment and stuff so you really don't bat an eyelid at these sorts of things.

So there we where chatting away when i Hear a growl right behind my head. Now we where on a paranormal show at the time but still we where outside and the only thing behind me was a van so where was this noice coming from?

42 Sharp pointy teeth 

I look at Dimmock who is looking shocked and trying to tell me something. There is a smell of rotten meat wafting into my nose and I can feel the heat from the breath on the back of my head. My heart has stopped. Dimmock is leaning forward and grabbing my arm, pulling me towards them. I slowly turn my head, to become face to face with 42 sharp pointy teeth growling at me. Panic sets in, and I don't know what to do. Dimmock is trying to pull me away, to protect me, but I'm frozen to the spot. I am about to be eaten by a monster and my last living breath will be in a disused mental asylum.

Suddenly a voice shouts "Stand Still!". Thats alright then because I cant move anyway, I'm thinking. I'm about to be ripped apart by a dog and I'm being told to stand still. I instantly realise I'm screaming. the dog is growling in my face and all I'm doing is screaming back at it! Thats really going to protect me!

Immediately the growling stops and the dog sits back down inside the van. Maybe my screaming did help?

maybe my screaming did protect me!

From behind a short stocky man appears an moves me to the side walks over to the van and slips a lead on the dog takes him out of the van and walks him towards me! Is he MAD? Dimmock steps in front of me and shields me as the dog handler explains he is the site security and he left the door open so the dog had some air. He didn't realise people would be stood around there. I've certainly learnt my lesson there, never stand next to and open van.

After all this I went to work on a show about a lucky dog! on this occasion it was a statue so I thought I would be ok, until the presenter of the show had to rescue me in the park when a dog owner had let theirs off the lead and it came running straight at me. No one else in the crew just me!! I'm holding a camera and a tripod and I cant just drop them and run, luckily The Presenter stepped forward and scooped the little dog away before the owner put it back on a lead. Informing me that dogs where going to be banned from the park soon! Couldn't be soon enough in my books!

Oh the Irony! dressed as a dog.

From there to a children's art show where Whippet had to rescue me a number of times, until it came to the final day of filming. The whole team had to be involved dressed as various characters. A few days before the costumes arrve inthe office and the arre divvied up according to their sizes, wizards, cavemen, teddy bears, a monkey, a lobster and a cat.  Everyone is handed costumes then it comes to me, the costume the Series producer has picked for me is a DOG! Oh the irony!





I spend the afternoon dressed as a dog in a field directing 50 children and adults around, then have to dance with a circle! Isn't TV Glamorous!

The Law of the Sod

Working as a freelancer is odd.

Waiting for the phone to ring

You have periods where you dont stop working, and periods when your phone rings and you pounce on it in anticipation of a job only to find its a marketing company wanting to help you get a refund on your no existent credit card or loan repayments.

These lulls in work make you doubt whether you are in the right job, should you just get a nine to five?
What job would I do if I did?

Lounging on the Sofa

Then just as your sat on the sofa in your pyjamas watching Flog It at 3 in the afternoon contemplating whether your having microwave noodles or toast for tea, the phone rings and your asked if you can get to Leeds in the morning for a one day shoot. RELIEF!!

One day jobs as a freelancer invariably lead to more work if you prove yourself on that first day. So you have to make the right impression.

So your job extended to three weeks and then your phone does not stop ringing. Job offers roll in from across the TV world and as your already working all you can say is "I'm Sorry I'm already booked". All good you think but why couldn't they have rang last week when you where starving hungry and wondering whether it was OK to put the heating on or to buy food instead. Its defiantly Sods Law.

Procrastinating

The quiet period is good though if you put the time to good use. I tend to have good intentions to write a  few synopsis's and maybe add a few chapters to my book. Instead I find myself procrastinating, drinking hot chocolate sat watching Gilmore Girls and arranging coffee outings with Jet2 and Dimmock. As Dimmock gave up on the TV industry in this country and got themselves a nine to five, coffee outings have changed to evening dinner outings instead, cheap places mind you, Im not working remember and dont know when the next job will be, so cant be splashing the cash!

Coffee Outings

So coffee is arranged in town with Jet2 and dinner the following evening with Dimmock and then your phone rings. A weeks work in London starting tomorrow on an emergency conference. You cant say no so you cancel your plans and find yourself booking rooms in London and looking at the best way to get there. At least Jet2 and Dimmock have worked in the industry and understand when you have to cancel, but family can be a tad upset, but this is your career and you have to do it to get to where you want to be.

So Tv isn't Glamorous, especially when your sat at home with unwashed hair and wishing the phone to ring, but you cant be disheartened when your not working, think of other things you can be doing, and invariably when you make plans that phone will ring. If you really want to work in TV you have to be determined.

"Will feeding the lambs a bottle make up for the dog licking you?"

They say you should never work with children or animals. On a job last year I managed to ignore this rule and work with both. Que me standing crying and the location assistant Whippet trying to protect me.

Now I should clarify I hate children and never want any myself but when the call came to work on a new show I took it and thought sod it, I can ignore the kids most of the time. Never did I think I would come across animals and especially not my mortal enemy the DOG.

I have this fear that they are going to eat me. No really they are. They are going to bite the muscle on the back of my leg, rip it off, in that dog with a toy playing pull kind of way, and run off with my calf muscle between its teeth, snarling as it goes. This is a fact. There is no convincing me otherwise I know this will happen if one gets close enough. I cross the street if I see one walking along and if one gets near me I freeze and it growls. It can be the nicest dog in the world as soon as it gets near me it growls, this really doesn't help!

Now Whippet is a dog lover and we where driving round attending auditions at kids houses. Most just have a cat and I love cats, my own Tibby is a very glamorous cat. So I'm quite content photographing the filming area and listening to the audition. until we ring the bell of a house and from behind the door I here the growl, low and constant like and engine, sensing the danger I swap places with Whippet figuring I can throw them to the dog and save my own  life.

The door opens.........the dog bounds out topples Whippet and goes straight for me. Its like they know I'm scared and attack me as easy prey. EVIL is what they are EVIL.  The owner saves me from the dog by pulling it away, "I'll just lock it in the garden", great I'm thinking I need to  photo the garden and it will eat me then!

Whippet held the tiny dog like Blofled

Realising that I needed access to the garden they lock the doberman in the Garage and we wonder into the kitchen where I am confronted by a tiny yappy dog that again goes straight for me. Screaming like a girl I again push Whippet at it and try and fend it off with my handbag. Eventually Whippet holds the tiny dog whilst the audition takes place and strokes it like a scene from James Bond with Blofeld and the cat. I go outside to photograph the garden whilst out there the Doberman escapes the Garage and heads straight for me, panicking I don't know which fate is worse killed by the doberman or get inside and let the tiny dog kill me.........I choose the kitchen and think the tiny dog will do less damage I grab the door and the door handle wont open, shaking the handle up and down the doberman is gaining on me and my heart is racing. In the nick of time the door opens i fly through and slam it shut whilst the owner and the child auditioning look on in amusement.


After this ordeal I am confronted by a number of small dogs and loads that owners lock away from me until we get to a lovely house on a farm. The farmers dog is massive and I mean massive, the farmer locks him away in the playroom and I'm happily watching the audition and chatting, suddenly this massive dog has escaped the prison of the playroom and is heading straight at me, I scream and freeze, my body wont function, Whippet tries to squeeze between me and the dog to push it away from me but its too late, my eyes well up, tears start to run down my cheeks I can feel something wet and warm trickling down my arm.

Is it blood, do I still have a hand, OH MY GOSH I think I want to die, I look down expecting to see my arm ripped from its socket but no, the massive dog has ........... Licked me. I feel sick, embarrassed I'm stood in someones house the representative of this new programme and I'm crying because a dog has licked me.

Bottle feeding the Lambs

Whippet is doing there best to move the dog away from me but its not helping and the farmer looks at me with pity, "Will feeding the lambs a bottle make up for the dog licking you?" "Yes" I whimper lip quivering and tears still rolling down my cheeks. and to be fair bottle feeding the lambs did make it up for it but only just.

In this industry you come across things you don't expect in all sorts of places. I once found a dog in the middle of the make up room at a studios, having worked there for 3 years and wondered through that room most days and some days 10-12 times the last thing I expected to see was a dog, especially in the middle of the building. wondering in completely unaware I look up from my clipboard to see two eyes and a set of teeth coming straight at me. screaming I drop my clipboard run out of make up and back to the corridor of delirium. telling Ugly Betty and Dimmock what had happened they look at me bemused has she just been standing on the corridor to long? is she mad? After disappearing to investigate they return with news I'm not mad there is a dog in there but its only a little one!

So the outcome of the story is to expect the unexpected the things you hate and least expect will appear when you never thought they would.

N for........Knickers

In this industry I have done a number of jobs. mostly to pay the bills, but its always good to have a few strings to your bow especially up north where there are quiet periods for work.

One of the many strings to my bow is Coordinating, I think it comes from my army childhood upbringing and the fact I like to have things organised and boss people about!

Coordinating is  dark art and you need a number of different skills to be really good at it.

The first thing is a good telephone manner, this is key as a lot of things you do are down the phone, be it negotiating a good deal, directing people to places or chasing up things that you need.

One coordinator I worked with didn't quite master the art of answering the phone right away, this lead to numerous occasions were the office where crying with laughter and would ring them just to see the panic in their eyes at the thought of having to answer the phone.

"Ive got to book a taxi to Ramsgate." one colleague said out load just before the coordinators phone rang.

Panicking they answered the phone...."Hello Ramsgate" cue bewildered faces all looking in their direction, "erm sorry hello?"!



"Hi I'm calling from a TV show oh hang on did I call you or did you call me?"

N for Knickers

When ordering stuff you always have to give your post code and this throws up another sticking point, do you know your phonetic alphabet? there is always that moment when they ask "And the post code?"... Your mind goes blank and you cant think of the words "erm... N for......" .... think, ......think "erm N for......Knickers"?! then its in your head your embarrassed that you got it wrong and all you can think of is swear words and rude ones too. "W for" (w***er is all that is in your head, why did you say knickers? your such a w***er) "erm.... WINDOW" arrrr thats it got there in the end.

Negotiating the best deal possible is always good, the TV industry never has any money (or says it doesn't) those at the top seem to have lots and those and the bottom have none. So the production managers are always asking you to get things as cheap as possible. this means it breaks easily and you have to then get another one so its a false economy but it satisfies everyone when you come in under budget.

Phonetic Alphabet

Ordering people about is my favourite part and having worked as a runner for a very long time I think I have earnt the right to boss people around and get them to do the dirty jobs once in a while! But there are ways to get this done nicely. With a smile and a Please can you just.... and a thank you after gets you far. It gets the job done and also gains you a little respect as they don't think you are just bossing them around!

So lessons in Coordinating are, Have a good telephone manner, practise your Phonetic alphabet, have a sob story to save money, and always be polite it gets the job done quicker!

"I'm sorry sir but this is a large hotel and we do experience some flush back."

When working in TV you often have to work away from home.
Most of the time it is overnight and you can get back to the luxury of your own bed the next day but sometimes it can be for a week of even a few weeks.

Usually you stop in a local hotel or on location itself.

Both can be a hassle. And both can result in some amusing situations.

There has been many a time when I have turned up at the hotel after a very long day traveling and working to find I have no room as it was not booked. This is not amusing when your tired and feel grotty and all you want to do is have a hot shower and chill out in front of a TV. After some negotiating between you and the production manager and the front desk you eventually get a room but your in bad mood by this point and hate the hotel.

In my time I have also experienced the classic front desk mistake which always happens to at least one of the crew on any shoot I have been on. The double booking. You check in, take the lift 6 floors up, trot down a maze of corridors following signs for your room, (inevitably the last on the corridor), slip you keycard in the slot, open the door and find someone else's luggage in your room. Last year on a Children's show I worked on this was a weekly occurrence for most of the team and it was always the monday morning joke of whose room you had gone into the night before. The Presenter managed to walk in on the director asleep about three times.

Hotels are a luxury though, except on one occasion when the Presenter walked into their room settled in and went to the bathroom to find a poo floating in the toilet. Trotting down to reception to complain that the room had not been cleaned they were met with this reply. "I'm sorry sir but this is a large hotel and while your room has been cleaned we do experience some flush back."

Sharing rooms is also a productions trick to save money. when your on location with the same people all day the last thing you want is to be stuck with them all night, often with runners you will never have met the other runner you are sharing with either. This is a nightmare, do they snore? Will they hog the bathroom? Will they be tidy? On one production they decided to stick the runners in their own cottage, two girls and three boys all sharing one working shower that was located in the girls room. Hideous. Having boys wondering into your room in the morning to shower and leaving bits of themselves in there.  Disgusting. But this was luxury compared to my next accommodation.

I'll tell you about this in a later blog, it gets worse. For now all I'll say is be prepared to rough it as a runner.

TV a Family Affair

Right I'm fresh faced and just out of university and have to decide where I want to live.

London would be the obvious choice. It's fast paced, lots of work, plenty of networking opportunities and lots of TV companies. It's also expensive, I don't know anyone there and  did I mention it was expensive? No? Well it is expensive.

I lived in the Midlands at this point and there was not much going on there. The Mailbox had just opened but no TV companies where using it so I had to look elsewhere.

Whilst at University there had been rumours of the BBC selling up and moving to a new site in Manchester. Manchester was cheap, it had a TV studios that was producing work and lots of independent companies too. I'm sure one will give me a job. I thought I'd get established up there, get to know people up north, get the industry to know me, and when the BBC do move there I'll get a job with them easily. I'll know the area and it will be prefect!

So I set about moving to Manchester. Looking for jobs and trying to network.

TV a Family Affair

This is easier said then done. Not the moving to Manchester that was easy, it was the networking and job hunting that was difficult. Unless you have a sister, brother, mother, father, aunty, uncle or next doors pet orangutang working in the industry already its difficult to get your foot in the door. It really is a family affair. Just in the one production house you have numerous amounts of fathers and sons, uncles and daughters working along side each other, all helping each other get a job on the next production.

Finally there was an advert online for runners on a new talk show in Manchester. I spend hours filling out the application form and wait to hear back. Nothing....... And then a phone call I hadn't got the job but would I like to come in for Work Experience.

Work experience is the word we all dread both sides of the barrel. If you are being offered work experience you dread it because it will involve you working your butt off for hours making tea and proving yourself for free. Thats right no pay and no guarantee of a job at the end of it. The other side of the barrel is if you are employing a work ex its a nightmare, they invariably don't want to be there but have been forced to find work as part of there college course and will want you to fill in an evaluation of them after. Or they really want you to employ them so are over keen and annoying. Asking questions and talking about themselves to much. The key is to strike a happy medium between being keen and asking the right amount of questions.

If I'm going to get my foot in the door though I'm going to have to do it, its for a one of the UK's leading channels and hopefully I'll make some links and found out better places to look for work.

So off to work I go.