Isn't It Ironic?

Many of you will know that I am petrified of dogs. They are evil, no matter what size or shape they come in they are all evil.
Many of you will have read Will Feeding the Lambs make up for the dog licking you? and laughed but for me this is a serious thing.

Dogs Teeth

Firstly have you seen their teeth!! Sharp and just waiting to clamp down on that juicy arm or leg of yours. And trust me they will if they get the chance!

He wont hurt you!

Its always the same I go into someone's house see a dog, freeze, and they always say. Oh are you scared? don't be he's lovely the softest stupidest thing ever, he wont hurt you, and there it is stalking me, growling, spit foaming at its jaw.

Once whilst stood outside in the cold on location myself and Dimmock where chatting over a cup of tea, next to a van thats back door was slightly ajar. Being on location there always a million vans loading and unloading equipment and stuff so you really don't bat an eyelid at these sorts of things.

So there we where chatting away when i Hear a growl right behind my head. Now we where on a paranormal show at the time but still we where outside and the only thing behind me was a van so where was this noice coming from?

42 Sharp pointy teeth 

I look at Dimmock who is looking shocked and trying to tell me something. There is a smell of rotten meat wafting into my nose and I can feel the heat from the breath on the back of my head. My heart has stopped. Dimmock is leaning forward and grabbing my arm, pulling me towards them. I slowly turn my head, to become face to face with 42 sharp pointy teeth growling at me. Panic sets in, and I don't know what to do. Dimmock is trying to pull me away, to protect me, but I'm frozen to the spot. I am about to be eaten by a monster and my last living breath will be in a disused mental asylum.

Suddenly a voice shouts "Stand Still!". Thats alright then because I cant move anyway, I'm thinking. I'm about to be ripped apart by a dog and I'm being told to stand still. I instantly realise I'm screaming. the dog is growling in my face and all I'm doing is screaming back at it! Thats really going to protect me!

Immediately the growling stops and the dog sits back down inside the van. Maybe my screaming did help?

maybe my screaming did protect me!

From behind a short stocky man appears an moves me to the side walks over to the van and slips a lead on the dog takes him out of the van and walks him towards me! Is he MAD? Dimmock steps in front of me and shields me as the dog handler explains he is the site security and he left the door open so the dog had some air. He didn't realise people would be stood around there. I've certainly learnt my lesson there, never stand next to and open van.

After all this I went to work on a show about a lucky dog! on this occasion it was a statue so I thought I would be ok, until the presenter of the show had to rescue me in the park when a dog owner had let theirs off the lead and it came running straight at me. No one else in the crew just me!! I'm holding a camera and a tripod and I cant just drop them and run, luckily The Presenter stepped forward and scooped the little dog away before the owner put it back on a lead. Informing me that dogs where going to be banned from the park soon! Couldn't be soon enough in my books!

Oh the Irony! dressed as a dog.

From there to a children's art show where Whippet had to rescue me a number of times, until it came to the final day of filming. The whole team had to be involved dressed as various characters. A few days before the costumes arrve inthe office and the arre divvied up according to their sizes, wizards, cavemen, teddy bears, a monkey, a lobster and a cat.  Everyone is handed costumes then it comes to me, the costume the Series producer has picked for me is a DOG! Oh the irony!





I spend the afternoon dressed as a dog in a field directing 50 children and adults around, then have to dance with a circle! Isn't TV Glamorous!

Paranormal Part 2; Small girl skipping through the aisles

In this game you get to go to some amazing places, disused mental asylums, underground stations, tobacco factories and Libraries.

Halloween

Whilst working on the Ghostly show my favourite venue has to be the disused mental asylum, spending halloween here will never be beaten for its spookiness and fun.

Batman was under the stage and managed to pull the generator plug sending the venue into darkness and taking us off air five minutes early. Snow came through the roof whilst we where live on air, and in general it was very cold.

Follow the cables

Dressed as the Michelin man in so many layers the Health and safety officer took us on a tour of the building one afternoon when we were free, this is where I learnt a TV rule that has always stuck with me. If your lost follow the cables and you will find your way to either the stage or the truck.

Not easy when an Alsatian in bounding towards you

I locked Dimmock in a padded cell and then took pictures, and found two stowaways that were trying to take pictures. This is when I learnt about security dogs. At this location the security dog must have been released about 5 times and when it does you have to stand still and it will run past. Not an easy task when your scared to death of them and a massive Alsatian is bounding towards you barking.

Circular Library Hall

At another location I became a ghost myself. We were in a library and the only way in and out was a door into the circular hall. books lined the walls the shelves curved round each layer a step down from the one above. Like a maze. In the far corner was another door to the rest of the location in which the on air team had travelled some time before during the night. The rest of us waited outside with our radios on waiting for any instructions.

The location had four webcams set up at various points in order for the public to watch online and text in. One camera was set up in the main hall pointing towards the door the only way in and out of the location.

Ouija Board

Over the radio comes the call for the ouija board to be brought down to the cellar for an experiment. I turn on my torch and carry the board through the aisles. As I get to the far corner I descend the stairs and follow the cables until I find the team in the cellar.

After setting up the board I turn round and head back to the surface. As I reach the top of the stairs I can see the light pouring through the door from the street outside into the main hall. Its lighting up the room enough and I know the route round the curved room to get to the door easily enough that I dont turn my torch on. Instead I run through the aisles up the stairs and out of the door joining the rest of the location team at the top around the tea urn.

unless there was a Ghost behind me

Five minutes later they get an update from the web team who have been monitoring the messages from the public about the show and the webcams.

There was a small girl seen skipping through the aisles on webcam one.

Dimmock who is in the green room at the hub watching this immediately texts me. Is that you!!

Realising it had to be me I point out I was not skipping I was running!! That or a small girl was skipping behind me!!

The Law of the Sod

Working as a freelancer is odd.

Waiting for the phone to ring

You have periods where you dont stop working, and periods when your phone rings and you pounce on it in anticipation of a job only to find its a marketing company wanting to help you get a refund on your no existent credit card or loan repayments.

These lulls in work make you doubt whether you are in the right job, should you just get a nine to five?
What job would I do if I did?

Lounging on the Sofa

Then just as your sat on the sofa in your pyjamas watching Flog It at 3 in the afternoon contemplating whether your having microwave noodles or toast for tea, the phone rings and your asked if you can get to Leeds in the morning for a one day shoot. RELIEF!!

One day jobs as a freelancer invariably lead to more work if you prove yourself on that first day. So you have to make the right impression.

So your job extended to three weeks and then your phone does not stop ringing. Job offers roll in from across the TV world and as your already working all you can say is "I'm Sorry I'm already booked". All good you think but why couldn't they have rang last week when you where starving hungry and wondering whether it was OK to put the heating on or to buy food instead. Its defiantly Sods Law.

Procrastinating

The quiet period is good though if you put the time to good use. I tend to have good intentions to write a  few synopsis's and maybe add a few chapters to my book. Instead I find myself procrastinating, drinking hot chocolate sat watching Gilmore Girls and arranging coffee outings with Jet2 and Dimmock. As Dimmock gave up on the TV industry in this country and got themselves a nine to five, coffee outings have changed to evening dinner outings instead, cheap places mind you, Im not working remember and dont know when the next job will be, so cant be splashing the cash!

Coffee Outings

So coffee is arranged in town with Jet2 and dinner the following evening with Dimmock and then your phone rings. A weeks work in London starting tomorrow on an emergency conference. You cant say no so you cancel your plans and find yourself booking rooms in London and looking at the best way to get there. At least Jet2 and Dimmock have worked in the industry and understand when you have to cancel, but family can be a tad upset, but this is your career and you have to do it to get to where you want to be.

So Tv isn't Glamorous, especially when your sat at home with unwashed hair and wishing the phone to ring, but you cant be disheartened when your not working, think of other things you can be doing, and invariably when you make plans that phone will ring. If you really want to work in TV you have to be determined.

Paranormal Part 1; Cake gate

Working on a paranormal show has given me some of my best TV experiences as a runner, I have explored derelict buildings tested night vision goggles, travelled to areas of the UK I would never have gone to and met some interesting people.

My first time working on this show myself and Dimmock had travelled down to London. I would be the camera and sound runner and Dimmock was the green room Runner.

Yvonne's Wine

Dimmock had it easy all she had to do was make sure Yvonnes wine was cold and topped up. My job was fairly easy too keep the camera and sound people topped up with tea and cable bash one of the pedestal cameras.

Rehearsals went well and everyday before the live show I got to play with the cameras and do the rehearsal instead of the camera man, I was loving it. We had another runner who was floor running and their job was to help out the floor managers that was until “cake gate”.... 

Before Health and safety gone mad

During the middle of the shoot it was a cast members birthday and so during the show a cake was to be presented to them, this was the days before health and safety gone mad and we could actually light the candles as long as we had a bucket of sand, fire extinguishers of every kind and a full fire station on standby. 

Rehearsals had gone well the runner was to step forward to the aisle, camera 1 would turn to them camera three hold shot of cast member and everyone else wides of the audience and presenter. Round of applause and Que. the cake. Runner walks forward and presents it. Easy or so it would seem.

Cake

“And 5,4,3,2,1 we are live” ... “welcome back now its a very special day today....” floor managers pushes the runner and cake into place in the aisle. cameras turn to positions. Audience applause... director shouts over talkback.. Que. the Cake........ and........ Nothing...... Que. the cake...........still nothing the runner isn't moving the audience are looking round as they have been clapping for a while and nothing has happened. Que. the f**king Cake screams the director, all around the room the floor manager, assistant floor manager, the camera assistants, the sound men and me are all waving the runner on frantically.

Eventually they step forward with the cake and down the aisle the audience applause increases when they finally see the cake and its over just like that....

Never again was a cake brought on for any celebration during the subsequent shows I worked on, and the next day Dimmock was the floor runner.

Forever Friends

People might say reading my previous posts that I was disillusioned with TV but I am not. I love working in TV and all that entails if I didn't I would have got out long ago and got a boring 9-5, but frankly I couldnt think of anything worse.

Friends

In the industry you meet so many different people and like I said in TV a family affair its not what you know its who you know. The people I would call my best friends I met working in the industry and even though one has migrated to a 9-5 and we dont see each other as often as we used to I still know Dimmock is willing me on.

Mental Asylum

We met on my first day at the studios working in Manchester. We have worked together on many shows since and have been through lots of random TV experiences together. Exploring a derelict Mental asylum and locking Dimmock in a cell was great fun although a little cold. I think it snowed while we were there. We survived the delirium of the white corridor together and over many cups of coffee and cake have planned or futures.

White corridor

Jet2 is another person I met whilst working on the long white corridor. We have been on holiday together and as they often work abroad I got to have a cheap holiday staying out in Menorca with them, this wasn't my finest hour I got horribly drunk, sang meatloaf, spoke german, was sick all the way home, thought I was going to die before going snorkelling, and got food poisoning. Their boss now refers to me as the "sick friend"! I will tell you all about this at another time as it has nothing to do with working in TV! Whilst working with Jet2 on a dating show we encountered many a funny story involving London being in Britain and how a microphone works.

And of course I met Whippet if someone will save you from a dog then you cant not be their friend.


So through working in TV I have met some of my closest friends, I have met good friends and I have made a lot of connections, this industry can be a small place and you can bump into people on different jobs that you haven't seen for ages or that you always seem to be working with. But I love it.

I have never taken a motorway exit at 80mph

It was great being a runner and under 25 it meant that you didn't have to drive the hire cars. The only down side is the fact someone else was and not always competently!

smallest car

As a runner I have driven many a hire car and they always come in one extreme or the other. Either the company is trying to save as much money as possible and you end up with the worlds smallest car or your expected to drive everyone around and you get a MPV. there rarely is a middle ground.

There's the old joke isn't there "What's the fastest car?..... A hire Car!" well it certainly isn't any hire car I have driven. I recently had a Vauxhall corsa hired to me for work, I predominately had to use it to get to and from the big cities on the motorway. There was just me and my friend Whippet (I'll explain the name in my next blog) so a small car wasn't a problem to get everyone in, the only problem was with my foot to the floor trying to join the motorway was a life threatening situation. My own car is a moderate one and easily handles the speed required to drive anywhere, this hire car however had clearly never heard of 70mph. With whippet clung to the dashboard eyes closed it would have been easier if the footwells disappeared and like Fred Flintstone and we could run.

Legs out the footwells to go anywhere!

Before I was 25 though it was no safer. On one job we where traveling in an MPV to Wales. It was a cold October and raining. My best friend Dimmock  (after meeting my aging Grandparent they announced she looked like Charlie Dimmock, she doesn't and they are going blind but still!) and I were in the back and the window wipers were working flat out. The runner driving although had passed their test many years ago lived in a city centre and didn't have a car. Not used to driving let alone driving a MPV full of people the journey was never going to go well. Ugly betty was already on location and waiting for our arrival. With no Sat Nav it was a miracle we where heading in the right direction.  Heading down the motorway rain lashing down Dimmock and myself began to look at each other in horror as we swerved violently between lanes the driver not even looking round to check it was safe. Turning the wheel suddenly as if driving a rally car we where thrown around in our seats.
abruptly we flew off the motorway round a sharp bend almost rolling the MPV, as the window wiper flew off Dimmock and I closed our eyes and held hands, this was our moment, this is how we were going to die!
No we where just leaving the motorway this was our exit! I have never taken a motorway exit at 80mph and will never be doing so again. Heart in my mouth I looked at Dimmock and nearly cried. As the journey continued in the same violent manor Dimmock reached for her phone. sending a message to Ugly Betty "We are all about to die!"

Finally shaking and without minus a window wiper we arrived on set, Ugly Betty greeting us with news that they had put another runner on the insurance and they would now drive!

Hire cars do have a benefit though, you get to test drive lots of cars and know which ones not to buy for yourself!