Ive been compared to the build of a man

I was reminded today of an occasion that now seems amusing when at the time was a little weird, bordering on insulting.

Wrapped up against the cold, a must on location

It occurred a few years back, as I was taking that step up from runner to Camera Op. I was called in last minute to help film a stunt that was going to happen in the local town centre. I knew nothing more than this.

It was a cold November day and I had wrapped up warm in lots of layers as we were going to be outside all day. Turning up early as they wanted me to film a lock off shot of the set being put into place.

As a cherry picker turns up to the area I am standing, I set the tape running. theres not much else I can do for now except guard the camera from the stray drunks and walk of shame students wondering back home in the early daylight hours. At this point I have lost all feeling in my fingers and my stomach is grumbling loader than the buses engines that pass by.

The best coffee you will ever drink.

Eventually the cherry picker is in place and the kind driver offers to pop to the shop and purchase a coffee. This coffee the first on an outside broadcast in the early morning is the best coffee you will experience. If you don't drink hot drinks, when you've stood outside for 3 hours in snow with no hat or gloves you'll soon take it up.

A few hours later at 10 am a steady influx of crew start to arrive on set and a small tent is set up. the director arrives on the next train from the south and we start the briefing. Today we will be filming a stunt with a very famous singer. They will be performing escapology whilst inverted.


So cherry picker in place cameras set up crowd building the star is running late and hasn't finished filming in another location yet. And the straight jacket need testing. 

In my head the VIP is a tall man so looking round the crew I'm trying to guess which unlucky man is going to get roped in, when the director asks my height. Oddly I look at him and say "5'2 I'm too short."

"No" comes the reply your just the right height and build. "I'm the same height as ****** *******?" I thought they were tall! Oh, well ok lets get on with this.

I get strapped into the straight Jacket

I get strapped into the jacket and the magician tells me how to escape. Lucky I did this very quickly without to much struggle limiting the embarrassment of writhing around in front of my peers in a straight jacket. Also makes me wonder if I was Houdini in a past life.

Not this Rapper with Glasses

Im still embarrassed at the fact Ive been compared to the build of a man, but in this job no day is the same and you come to expect the weird and wonderful. The call comes through the VIP is on route. Action stations, I'm waiting for them to arrive when a small man turns up with a gaggle of producers and all of a sudden the stunt starts. Im a little caught off guard. I'm still waiting for the tall man with the glasses that sings, not this short lad who is the same height and build as me. It suddenly downs on me that this is not the VIP I had in my head, this is not the rapper with the glasses but another short rapper and I can now see why I was the perfect stand in.

You Should Never see Your boss in a Dressing Gown

Living in a castle

I recently got to stay in a castle whilst working on a Paranormal show and this was defiantly one of the best locations I've ever had to stop in. It appealed to my sense of adventure and my love of history.
It got me thinking about all the accommodation I have been put up in whilst working in TV, and I thought I would carry on the story from last year about the worst place I've ever had to stop.

Apartment with Hidden Compartments

At the castle I was stopping in an apartment, large wood burning stove and my room was in the tower. Stone spiral staircases and a torture chamber and dungeon below. I got to wonder round in my free time and loved the place. The Owner had kitted out the apartment with antiques and curiosities from all over the world from a 17th century paintings to silver victorian Indian rupee tea coasters.

Ouija Board Hidden Away

In the sitting room was a large writing desk and I thought it was just the sort of furniture to have hidden compartments in. And I wasn't wrong I spent one afternoon exploring the furniture and found a number of hidden compartments. On sliding back the central writing block an underneath compartment was revealed containing a ouija board. Adding to the ghost stories of the castle and the fact we were there filming a paranormal show this just added to the adventure. I wasn't the only one to have spent my time searching for hidden compartments as as each one was found it was stuffed full of notes from others who had been just as adventurous. I added my card and now when others go hunting my note will also be there for them to find. This is was a stark contrast to a place I had to spend 3 months living in a few years back.

I was working on an evening observational documentary and based on a military base. Having experience of this life already I knew a little of what to expect but when I was told I was stopping in the Officers Mess I was excited. This was a step up from where I have stopped before and the Officers Mess must be the best on site after all they are officers aren't they.


On the first day after dropping the Presenter at a very nice hotel down the road I returned to base and went to check in. Pulling up outside there is a very grand large long building with stone columns at the door. As I push the heavy door open and walk into the hall the space is bright and clean, its warm and the walls are covered in paintings in gold gilt frames and the solid oak furniture has do not touch signs resting on it.

Plush Sitting Room

Through a small arch I am at the desk looking for my room key and note. Surprise surprise there isn't one for me. I trot along to the bar where I find a member of staff who tried ringing the manager to no avail. I sit myself down in the leather chesterfield in the oak paneled bar and await my fate, after a few minutes the bar staff returns and tells me just to go and have a wonder and pick any room thats open. This is certainly a new concept I'm thinking. I cant imagine walking into a Hilton and just picking a room based on which ever one was open.

Still I'm tired its been a long day filming and I just want a shower and bed. Wondering the corridors I find a door open on the ground floor and make my self at home. After all the opulence of the entrance and the public areas I am expecting a beautiful room but I was very wrong. This place was defiantly a case of smoke and mirrors.

My room contained two single beds with a single duvet and one pillow. there was no TV, no shower and no toilet. In the corner was a solitary sink and a bin. Where was the luxury? Where was the comfy furniture that had been in all the other rooms? This certainly isn't glamorous.

Mixed Communal Showers

This wasn't what I was expecting at all. Searching the corridor I find a communal toilet and shower room . Tiles and debris lay on the floor of one shower and so that left one to use. On the door hung a sign reading Male in shower and when I turned it over it said Female in shower. Was this really a deterrent to officers of the other sex to not enter or an invitation?

A fellow crew member soon discovered it was a pointless exercise in displaying the sign, after finding the shower empty on their third attempt at showering they changed the sign turned the shower on to warm up and closed the door, running back to their room to collect their wash bag they returned to find their shower now occupied with a member of the opposite sex who must have entered even though it said Female in shower saw it was empty changed the sign and got it.

On the ground floor near the bar was a Ladies powder room which became my toilet of choice as it was guaranteed to be free and clean.

False Fire Alarm
results in Meeting your boss in a dressing gown

In the first week the fire alarm went off in the early hours of the morning 3 times resulting in everyone evacuating the building and waiting for it to be reset. If there is one thing that should never happen whilst working in TV it is to see your boss standing outside in their pyjamas. Making polite convasation at 3am whilst your stood in a dressing gown and slippers with your boss is a very awkward situtation I recommend you avoid at all costs. Still I suppose it was team building!


Being allowed to return home at weekends helped with everyones sanity just those little home comforts you miss but for three months I managed to live with out TV or a nearby toilet, and my own shower. Its amazing how the places in that building that the public see were lavish and sumptuous yet the living accommodation was bleak and less than basic.

Isn't It Ironic?

Many of you will know that I am petrified of dogs. They are evil, no matter what size or shape they come in they are all evil.
Many of you will have read Will Feeding the Lambs make up for the dog licking you? and laughed but for me this is a serious thing.

Dogs Teeth

Firstly have you seen their teeth!! Sharp and just waiting to clamp down on that juicy arm or leg of yours. And trust me they will if they get the chance!

He wont hurt you!

Its always the same I go into someone's house see a dog, freeze, and they always say. Oh are you scared? don't be he's lovely the softest stupidest thing ever, he wont hurt you, and there it is stalking me, growling, spit foaming at its jaw.

Once whilst stood outside in the cold on location myself and Dimmock where chatting over a cup of tea, next to a van thats back door was slightly ajar. Being on location there always a million vans loading and unloading equipment and stuff so you really don't bat an eyelid at these sorts of things.

So there we where chatting away when i Hear a growl right behind my head. Now we where on a paranormal show at the time but still we where outside and the only thing behind me was a van so where was this noice coming from?

42 Sharp pointy teeth 

I look at Dimmock who is looking shocked and trying to tell me something. There is a smell of rotten meat wafting into my nose and I can feel the heat from the breath on the back of my head. My heart has stopped. Dimmock is leaning forward and grabbing my arm, pulling me towards them. I slowly turn my head, to become face to face with 42 sharp pointy teeth growling at me. Panic sets in, and I don't know what to do. Dimmock is trying to pull me away, to protect me, but I'm frozen to the spot. I am about to be eaten by a monster and my last living breath will be in a disused mental asylum.

Suddenly a voice shouts "Stand Still!". Thats alright then because I cant move anyway, I'm thinking. I'm about to be ripped apart by a dog and I'm being told to stand still. I instantly realise I'm screaming. the dog is growling in my face and all I'm doing is screaming back at it! Thats really going to protect me!

Immediately the growling stops and the dog sits back down inside the van. Maybe my screaming did help?

maybe my screaming did protect me!

From behind a short stocky man appears an moves me to the side walks over to the van and slips a lead on the dog takes him out of the van and walks him towards me! Is he MAD? Dimmock steps in front of me and shields me as the dog handler explains he is the site security and he left the door open so the dog had some air. He didn't realise people would be stood around there. I've certainly learnt my lesson there, never stand next to and open van.

After all this I went to work on a show about a lucky dog! on this occasion it was a statue so I thought I would be ok, until the presenter of the show had to rescue me in the park when a dog owner had let theirs off the lead and it came running straight at me. No one else in the crew just me!! I'm holding a camera and a tripod and I cant just drop them and run, luckily The Presenter stepped forward and scooped the little dog away before the owner put it back on a lead. Informing me that dogs where going to be banned from the park soon! Couldn't be soon enough in my books!

Oh the Irony! dressed as a dog.

From there to a children's art show where Whippet had to rescue me a number of times, until it came to the final day of filming. The whole team had to be involved dressed as various characters. A few days before the costumes arrve inthe office and the arre divvied up according to their sizes, wizards, cavemen, teddy bears, a monkey, a lobster and a cat.  Everyone is handed costumes then it comes to me, the costume the Series producer has picked for me is a DOG! Oh the irony!





I spend the afternoon dressed as a dog in a field directing 50 children and adults around, then have to dance with a circle! Isn't TV Glamorous!